by Tim Leberecht
I see more and more people heralding ”relational intelligence” as a core leadership skill—or even a core life skill. I recently came across an event titled “Relational Intelligence: The Next Human Threshold.“
The only human word in that title is “human.”
And it made me realize that we have developed a strange habit: we no longer seem capable of valuing something unless we first rebrand it as a form of intelligence.
Emotional intelligence. Somatic intelligence. Intuitive intelligence. Relational intelligence. The list keeps growing.
But what exactly is gained by turning emotions, relationships, intuition, embodiment, eros, or wisdom into subsets of intelligence?
Take “relational intelligence.” The next human threshold is supposed to be that we relate and understand the space between us? That we are, in essence, social creatures who form relationships? That we experience meaning through connection with other living beings?
We have become so estranged from who we are that we must rediscover it through management-speak mumbo jumbo. “Relational intelligence” is merely the latest example.
Some now even speak of “relational infrastructure.” Relationships, however, are, by their very nature, the opposite of infrastructure. They are not stable or permanent. They are fluid, fragile, evolving. They are software, not hardware.
Language is the first casualty of the AI-fication of life.
I am guilty of this myself. Once, in an attempt to appeal to a business audience, I used the term “ancestral intelligence” in a talk. Afterwards, a man approached me and gently said: “Just call it wisdom.”
The inflation of “intelligence” has become so extreme that it now borders on parody. Consider “connectional intelligence.” Etymologically, intelligence refers to understanding that emerges from reading between things, from linking remote points. “Connectional intelligence” is therefore what linguists call a pleonasm—a “free gift,” an “added bonus,” an “unexpected surprise.”
More than the proliferation of these terms, what depresses me is what they reveal: intelligence has become the supreme emblem of value. The ultimate colonizer. Every aspect of the human experience must now justify itself by squeezing into its conceptual territory.
Yet emotions, eros, intuition, wisdom, and human connection must not be instrumentalized. They do not need to prove their worth through the language of optimization and performance. They do not need to fit within the narrow productivity framework implied by “intelligence.”
Instead of emotional intelligence, let us cultivate feelings.
Instead of somatic intelligence, let us trust our bodies.
Instead of erotic intelligence, let us find pleasure in lust, love, and life.
Perhaps the next human threshold is not another kind of intelligence.
Perhaps it is remembering that some of the most important things in life never were.
***
Tim, I appreciate the challenge.
In this piece, relational intelligence was intentionally an allusion to artificial intelligence, a way of asking what becomes more important as machines become more capable.
For me, it was never a management fad. It emerged from a simple question: what human capacities become more essential as cognitive intelligence is increasingly outsourced to machines?
You could simply call it being human.
And yes, I too find it somewhat awkward that we need to emphasise what it means to be human, as if many of us have somehow forgotten. That's precisely why the emphasis feels needed.
Perhaps we need language like this because we've forgotten that relationship is central to who we are. The task, then, isn't further compartmentalisation of the human into ever-new "intelligences," but remembering our wholeness.
Personally, I believe much of our wisdom lives in our embodied experience, in our capacity to remember what it means to be fully alive, with love, joy, and presence. Throughout my years in technology, I was always more interested in what it made possible between people than in the technology itself.
In an age of AI, reminding ourselves that our capacity to relate is essential feels like an important conversation to have.
Grateful you're helping carry it forward, Tim. In the end, the conversation matters more than the label. 🙂
I find people who make most use of AI combined tend to use the most unhuman words freely and confidently, and seem to think sounding like a key note speech at a management consultants' conference is how to vibe with the people. It's really impenetrable and extremely irritating but as AI reaches further and further into our lives I suspect this is how we iwll all end up speaking